Tags
Charlie Brown's Football, exercise, fearlessness, friends, handwritten message, infinite sea, Lucy, Tiny ripple, Universe
So, it was a tough week.
I had a big disappointment. I interviewed for a job so perfect for me that I never even dreamed I could get >thisclose< to it; I was terribly disappointed when I didn’t get it.
I had seen it within minutes of its appearance on one of the job boards I subscribe to. I wrote a detailed, customized cover letter, attached my resume and arts CV, and emailed it. Within two hours, I received a phone call from the person currently holding the job, asking me to come and interview with the eponymous owner.
We set the interview for this past Monday. I prepped over the weekend, trolled the website for insight, watched the documentary, did an image search on Google and found a picture of the person I would be interviewing with standing next to President Obama.
It was a short, but pithy interview, and it went well. I met a friend for lunch afterward, and we dissected the interview as we munched on our bento box lunches. I went home and told Frank that I thought it went well.
I sent a handwritten thank-you note to my interviewer on one of my cards and put one of my stamps on the envelope.
The next day, I received an email saying that, although my experience, skills, and energy were “completely attractive”, the eponymous owner felt more strongly about another candidate that they were going to “try out”. (So, I guess that means I didn’t get it, but might get it in some indeterminate future if the “try out” doesn’t work? )
Okay then. This is the part of this blogpost that the title is really about: what I did with my disappointment.
I went swimming. I put on my swimsuit, got dressed, grabbed my go-bag with my gear, and walked down to the Y to swim. For an hour. In the deep end. Practically doing laps (not yet, but maybe in a few weeks). I found out last week in my beginner’s class that I have a small talent for the backstroke. (Who knew?)
I swam and swam and floated and swam and didn’t think much at all.
Afterwards, in the steam room and then the sauna (my routine is for 10 -15 minutes of each after a swim) I caught up with my brain and said to myself: This is a MUCH better way to deal with your disappointment than eating, watching a sad movie, reading through the missing persons’ boards, or crying on the couch.
My sister Nancy (who called upon all the powers of the Universe on my behalf) sent me an email that said, in part, that she thought I didn’t get this particular job at this particular time because the Universe wants me to keep working on myself.
I agree with her assessment. My experience has been that when things don’t go the way I want or the way I think they should, there usually some larger plan at work. I question the Universe’s tactics in putting this job in front of me and then snatching it away (not unlike Lucy and Charlie Brown’s football); why, of all the jobs in the world, did THIS job come up on THAT job board just as I was looking at it, and why the quick response to me, and the almost immediate interview and so on and so on and….
But that’s it, isn’t it? I am a person of faith, a person who believes in a Supreme Being who regards Its creations with loving-kindness. My disappointment is a little tiny ripple on an infinite sea; it’s big to me, because I am small in the grand scheme of things.
I swim because I love the feeling of being in the water; the buoyancy, the weightlessness, the pull into the water as I enter the pool, the water trying to pull me back in when it’s time for me to return to land. I love the feeling of being enveloped, supported and cradled by something universal that is bigger than my self.
I was right when I said swimming is a metaphor for life. I know I am on to something here. I am changing the way I see things and the way I do things. As long as I relax into my stroke and keep my head above the water long enough to take that breath, I know that I will be okay.
stephanie said:
Wow, you are such a great writer! I know everything happens for a reason. When I adopted my puppy Prince, it was God telling me that I would soon need this small little four legged being because I would soon lose my family. I always said, God gave Prince to me because he knew what was about to happen in my life and didn’t want to leave me completely alone. When my job got cut on June 13, Friday the 13th, a very late time to cut a teacher’s job, I cried hysterically. I went home and logged onto a NH teacher website and found the one I am in now-it had just been posted. I applied and got it and it was meant to be. I believe that you didn’t get that job because possibly something else, something better might be waiting for you around the corner. If you had gotten that job, you would never know about the one you are meant to have. The picture is so much bigger than we can ever know and God does hold that picture frame in his hands. Trust, believe, focus, and know that you will be exactly where you are meant to be. It may take some time, who knows? God knows. Trust and keep on the course you are on-as you are creating a newer version of yourself and perhaps, like Nancy said so well, he wants you to be further along before you switch your focus from you to the job. Perhaps the things you will learn, will be necessary for your new venture. Perhaps, the job you think is perfect is the wrong one for you at this time in your life. Who knows? God knows!
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Peg said:
Lovely post. I’m not as sure as you are that “everything happens for a reason” but I do know that dealing with disappointment is part of the journey and that, yes, the act of coping gives you more buoyancy than you had before.
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Nancy said:
Claudia, I think (for what it is worth) that the Universe put this job in front of you right now because it wants you to be thinking more on the scale of this type of job for your next one. It wants you to have those ideas of the perfect job in your mind, heart and soul so you’ll be ready for it when it comes to you. Then it will be the absolute perfect job for you at that time and you will be ready for it.
I hope this makes sense and doesn’t make me sound too out there! 🙂
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